Eternal Henotheist

Affirmation of FAITH

2005-03-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~
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To be in love is merely to be
In a state of perpetual anesthesia:
To mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek God
Or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
~ by H.L. Mencken ~
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Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.

They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,

leave footprints on our hearts,

and we are never ever the same.
~ by Flavia Weedn ~
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I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.
~ by F. Sagan ~
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You come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
~ by Sam Keen ~
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Love is not a matter of counting the years...
But making the years count.
~ by Michelle St. Amand ~
_______________________

Love does not die easily.
It is a living thing.
It thrives in the face
of all life's hazards,
save one--neglect.
~ by James Bryden ~
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Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself
But if your love and must needs have desires,
Let these be your desires:

· To melt and be like a running brook

· That sings its melody to the night.

· To know the pain of too much tenderness.

· To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

· And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

· To wake at dawn with a winged heart

· And give thanks for another day of loving;

· To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

· To return home at eventide with gratitude;

· And then to sleep with a prayer

· For the beloved in your heart

· And a song of praise upon your lips.
~ by Gibran Kahlil Gibran ~

______________________

Love knows no reasons,
love knows no lies.
Love defies all reasons,
love has no eyes.
But love is not blind,
love sees but doesn't mind.
~ by Author unknown ~

I long for ATHEISM!

2005-03-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

This is crazy. . . I’m suppose to finish my mini thesis paper tonight but I’m here pourin’ out my thoughts as a henotheist. Yes, I am a henotheist. And, indeed, I am talkin’ bout FAITH. . .

I try to relinquish everythin’ but I can’t. How could I? How could I possibly renounce his “lordship” over me when he has become the standard of my everythin’. A standard where everybody falls short except for him.

It’s late, maybe I just can’t think right. Maybe I’m just getting’ lethargic. And that’s why I’m scrawlin’ mere foolishness and naiveté.

I dunno. . . perhaps tomorrow or, should I say, later, I’d have a clearer view of things.

Or better yet, I’m prayin’ that tomorrow, when I wake up, I’d find out that I have become an Atheist.

Song Lyns

2005-03-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

"Maybe I'm a little addicted

Maybe I just can’t get out of this

Maybe it is just too soon to say

I've seen you blow right past my window

You flew away and I was left inside

Without a clue"

"Why can't you see me like I see you
Can't you feel me like I feel you
Can't you be with me tonight"

some "happy" birthday

2005-03-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

I just received an SMS from my friend. She apologized for failing to remember my birthday last 21^st of March. I smiled. . . if she would have failed to greet me the previous years I would’ve felt heavy ‘bout it but now, I just couldn’t. Our friendship didn’t depreciate in fact it grew stronger, its just that the word HAPPY BIRTHDAY has become nothing more but a droning, hypocritical and nonsensical word for me that day. And I also thought of it as a mere superficial gesture that has become more of an impulse rather than a genuine yearning for a good day for the birthday celebrator. This has come into my notion everytime I would smile back after their greeting. But it was a mechanical smile for I know deep inside it’s meaningless.

I ended the day with a conclusion that I just had the most miserable birthday of my life. I got used to the idea of having a birthday that’s entirely about me but this year wasn’t like that. I started my day right on schedule jumping from one task to another I didn’t even have time for a break for I have to complete tons of task concerning my academics. Then I decided to pass by the tambayan of one of my organizations in campus hoping that they would have a greeting card for me just as they way they did for all those who celebrated and to my surprise NOTHING. No card, no greeting. It’s not that I’m demanding for it it’s just that suddenly I realized that maybe I am insignificant to the people in this org. I just realized that I was just too busy with my other affiliations that I forgot to prove my existence within this group. Yes, they know me, and I know them. I participate in our activities but I have failed to reach out and establish this thing that they call “friendship”.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Everytime a new year would enter, I would always start thinking and making plans for my birthday set for another two months and 21 days but this year, I almost forgot all about it. After the heartbreaking bereavement of a friend a few days before my birthday everything, and I’m gonna quote from another friend, “seemed trivial. . . unimportant.” And for the first time ever I received perhaps the weirdest greeting I’ve ever seen “Happy Birthday and my condolences to you.” The group (a different org) that I have made plans for my big day was also mourning because he was a very significant person in our organization.

Lastly, I went through the final interview for this organization that I’ve grown to love soooo much. And it turned out to be really shitty. I would spare you from the details of it for I don’t even wanna recall what happened that night. Bottom-line is, I forgot my position as an applicant. As what my friend had told me, I should’ve kissed-up and I should’ve given the members what they wanted to hear not what I wanted to say for that interview was not about me it’s about pleasing them.

That day wasn’t about me it’s about everything but not me.

Within a henotheist

2005-03-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

A Henotheist’s Prayer

She stood there through myriad days gazing far into the distant light. She’s freezing. She’s trembling. The cold is lethal. But she stays.

She stood there hoping through myriad days gazing far into him. She’s freezing. She’s trembling. She’s dying. But still she stays.

She stood there barely on her last day. She’s smiling. She’s humming. She’s pleased. Beside her, her lord stays.